One year on.....

It has been 9 months since I last logged on to update the blog. Life took a sudden turn and I felt I needed to step away. I don't want to go into detail. The events are way behind me now. Purely for the purposes of peoples understanding I will say that myself and Harry's dad decided to no longer continue our relationship and move on with our lives in separate directions. This being said, one year on I am in a much happier place as I will go on to explain.

As you can imagine Christmas last year was difficult. Beyond difficult. Not only was this the first Christmas I had to endure without my baby, but I was also dealing with the relationship breaking down and my dad's ill health. I did not feel like celebrating at all, in fact if it wasn't for my friends and family's persistence I would have wrote it off altogether. I didn't want the tree up, I didn't want to watch Christmas films, all I wanted was to curl up and disappear. 

I ordered a beautiful glass bauble for Harry to hang up. I placed it pride of place on the tree that eventually was erected.......only for the whole thing to fall over, smashing my prized bauble in the midst. As you can imagine, I was distraught. I suddenly felt so overwhelmed with everything, and the tree took the brunt of it. After a while of kicking and screaming I sat there sobbing with my broken parts of the once perfect ornament. And that's exactly how I felt, Broken. I was very lucky the lady who made it for me immediately got to work on another. I was so grateful too her. And yes,, the tree did eventually go up and stayed up!

Christmas came and went in a blur, as did New Year. Looking back now I don't remember much of it. I don't remember happiness. I don't remember sadness. I don't particularly want to remember it. 

In January I threw myself into getting fit, at the time it felt like this was the only thing I could control.... I ate well and trained hard and was eventually beginning to feel ok again. I had a sense of achievement, set goals for myself and all the exercise was helping my mental health no end. Life was starting to get back on track again....it felt like a fresh start.

I was back to working full time, my dance school was going from strength to strength. I felt human again.

As the months progressed, it  pained me to see my dad falling deeper into his illness. We knew it was only a matter of time and it fills me with deep sadness to report that on 10th August 2014 my daddy, Malcolm James Beaton. passed away with his family beside him. He was a strong man and fought so long, it was also a small grain of relief to know he was no longer suffering. I know he is up there with his grandson, caring for him and being the brilliant grandad I always knew he'd be. I dedicate this post to him. Rest now daddy, give Harry a big kiss and cuddle from his mammy.....always be with me.