Wednesday 21st November 2013
As I wandered around the shops in town I was feeling subdued....I had been to counselling that morning, the second session of six in total, and my mind was on Harry (nothing new there....) A busker began singing one of Harry's funeral songs and I could feel the tears begin to brim. We were still waiting for the results of Harry's post mortem and our own genetic testing and it felt like a life time of anxiety and doubt. I was having nightmares that I was told there was no problem with Harry and if I'd gone to full term he would have been perfectly fine. These dreams crush me. I knew of course this was not the case, you could see the problems that he so unfairly had.
I headed home and just as I was pulling into my street a huge rainbow filled the sky. Harry sending a smile down to his mammy.
I opened the front door and I saw the letter, post marked from the RVI hospital. My heart stopped for a moment, I was terrified to open it. Reading those words a huge wave of relief and grief overcome me and I broke down.
"The genetic tests have identified an abnormality on a gene called COL1A1 and this abnormality is consistent with a diagnosis of type 2 (severe) osteogenesis imperfecta. I think it is likely that this abnormality occurred for the first time in your baby's development and it is unlikely that it has been inherited from one of you."
Some closure at last. We still needed to attend the genetics clinic for completeness where blood samples were taken from us both to confirm we weren't carriers of the gene. We waited 3 long weeks before we had our final results......no abnormality found. Dr AH went onto explain this suggests it happened within Harry's own development and the chance of recurrence in future pregnancies is small. A bitter sweet sentiment. Of course this came as a relief, but it doesn't take away the gut wrenching feeling that it has already happened to Harry. Future pregnancies are going to be hugely difficult, constant doubt and worry that something bad will happen, but we have been assured I will be well looked after with more detailed and frequent scans and genetics testing early in the pregnancy.
Counselling has been a god send for me through all of this. It's the one place I can sit and talk about everything openly, no judgement, no hiding my feelings....just open, honest discussion. I was a little sceptical at first, I've never had counselling before and had images of lying on a sofa being asked a million questions, of which I probably wouldn't know the answers to. But sitting with my counsellor, I spend an hour a week releasing all my thoughts and it's difficult, but such a relief. She interjects advice but mostly allows me to just talk, a lot of the time everything comes out in a jumble and after a session I am exhausted! I have 2 sessions left, and not sure if I will continue to have more following this.
My next challenge is facing Christmas and the new year.
Thursday, 2 January 2014
Thursday, 5 December 2013
A wave of light
"To all my friends and family. Today is a "wave of light" in honour of all the angel babies no longer with us. At 7pm for 1 hour if you could light a candle and spare a thought for not only Harry James but all the babies taken too soon and their grieving parents you will be joining in a world wide event where there will be a continuous wave of light for 24 hours. If you would like to post a pic too for me to include in Harry's memory box that would be great. Thanks!"
Thank you to all who spent a moment to remember our loss and took time to send me your pictures. xxxxx
Thank you to all who spent a moment to remember our loss and took time to send me your pictures. xxxxx
Wednesday, 20 November 2013
My girls.
As I mentioned in my first post, I own and run a dance school. We're a relatively small school, but ever expanding, and my business means the world to me. I've built it up from when we opened the doors in December 2011, I've seen people come and people go, but I have my little dancers who are devoted to the progression of the school and have that spark inside them to be dedicated to their dancing studies. They're my little extended family, I love these children and I am continually proud of their achievements and watching them grow.
When I found out I was pregnant everyone was so excited, parents included. I was supported when I was struggling with sickness and had to take time out (an extremely rare occurrence, I never take time out from my business!) and the girls were intrigued by Harry's scan pictures and my protruding bump! I laughed when they asked me questions such as "what does it feel like to have a baby in your tummy?" and they laughed at me when my bump started making it difficult to get up from the splits. They were so happy at the prospect of a little baby joining our dancing family. I was so touched when I received a picture drawn by one of my 6 year olds of me with bubs in my tummy.
Following our scan I obviously had to take time off, I was extremely lucky to have close friends who were able to take over for a short while. I worried for my girls, how would they react to this? Would they understand? I explained to the parents what the circumstances were and left it in their hands to tell their own children the news in a way they felt appropriate. I was scared to go back in case one of them mentioned anything and I broke down, I didn't want to let them see me so broken.
Returning and seeing them all actually came so much easier than I expected, it was actually a relief. Children get over situations remarkably quickly. Getting back to the studio and watching them dance and laugh and chatter, I couldn't help but feel content. Dancing is such a release and for those few hours a week I spend with my girls and dancing, my mind is distracted and I'm almost happy. They keep me busy and I'm throwing myself back into running my school, it's keeping me sane.
So many people offer support and guidance....these children send me a life line and a huge hope for the future. I know how fond they would be of Harry had they met, I know he is with us in that studio giggling at their childish antics and enjoying the music and dancing. How I wish Harry could have had this life too, but he is always in my heart, I dedicate my dancing work to him.
When I found out I was pregnant everyone was so excited, parents included. I was supported when I was struggling with sickness and had to take time out (an extremely rare occurrence, I never take time out from my business!) and the girls were intrigued by Harry's scan pictures and my protruding bump! I laughed when they asked me questions such as "what does it feel like to have a baby in your tummy?" and they laughed at me when my bump started making it difficult to get up from the splits. They were so happy at the prospect of a little baby joining our dancing family. I was so touched when I received a picture drawn by one of my 6 year olds of me with bubs in my tummy.
Following our scan I obviously had to take time off, I was extremely lucky to have close friends who were able to take over for a short while. I worried for my girls, how would they react to this? Would they understand? I explained to the parents what the circumstances were and left it in their hands to tell their own children the news in a way they felt appropriate. I was scared to go back in case one of them mentioned anything and I broke down, I didn't want to let them see me so broken.
Returning and seeing them all actually came so much easier than I expected, it was actually a relief. Children get over situations remarkably quickly. Getting back to the studio and watching them dance and laugh and chatter, I couldn't help but feel content. Dancing is such a release and for those few hours a week I spend with my girls and dancing, my mind is distracted and I'm almost happy. They keep me busy and I'm throwing myself back into running my school, it's keeping me sane.
So many people offer support and guidance....these children send me a life line and a huge hope for the future. I know how fond they would be of Harry had they met, I know he is with us in that studio giggling at their childish antics and enjoying the music and dancing. How I wish Harry could have had this life too, but he is always in my heart, I dedicate my dancing work to him.
A phased return.
Returning to work was never going to be easy. I took 6 weeks off in total from finding out Harry had problems at the 20 week scan. I am so appreciative that I was allowed this time off, yet so annoyed that I was not entitled to maternity leave. If I had given birth just 3 weeks later I would have been entitled to the full 12 months (although I probably wouldn't have taken all this time!), why was 3 weeks earlier any different? I still had to spend time in hospital. I still went through labour and delivery and the physical and emotional aspects following this. I am well aware this time is for new mothers to settle into motherhood and look after their little bundles of joy, but I am a new mother as well, a grieving one....I need time too. There is no time limit on grief.
I was not ready by any means to return to my job. Without saying too much, I work in a department where I am faced with parents who could be described as "unappreciative" for what they have and have to hear some, quite frankly, awful things with regards to children. Not at all what I want to hear at the best of times, let alone after my recent difficult loss. But due to financial reasons, I had no option other than to return.
I was extremely nervous and anxious and spoke to my manager about my concerns. She has been a huge help and offered support. I knew the 20 minute bus journey to my workplace would be sorrowful, how many hours had I spent on that bus looking at cute baby outfits on my phone and planning the nursery whilst commuting? Sitting at the same desk where I'd spent time discussing my plans for the future with my friends and displayed my scan pictures with pride. Seeing colleagues who were currently pregnant, tummies ever swelling and leaving one by one for maternity leave.
It was agreed that I could do a phased return....3 hours per day for the first week, 4 the next and so on. Standing at the bus stop I felt so heavy. As I predicted, I sat and let a few tears flow as I travelled. The last time I'd done this journey I had a 20 week bump and was excited about my imminent scan. Walking into the office I was not sure what to expect. Would everyone make a fuss? A few hellos and friendly smiles, a couple of welcome backs and I was settled into my new desk (we'd agreed it may help for a change of view in the office...) and logged into my computer. It felt strange, as though nothing had ever happened.
I coped remarkably well for the first 2 hours until I saw one of my pregnant colleagues. I was caught of guard and instinctively asked how she was doing (pregnancy wise) although she didn't delve into great detail, there was no mistaking the rounded belly. She left and I broke. Of course I wish her well, we spent many a conversation previously about how our pregnancies were progressing, comparing bumps and discussing when we would be leaving (which would have been around the same time in December) but seeing how well she was doing and looking down to my almost flat stomach now my heart stung. Why me? It is so incredibly difficult seeing pregnant ladies and I don't want them to think they are upsetting me, it's not their fault, but right now I can't bear it. I left early.
I'm into my second week back now, at the moment it still doesn't quite feel like I should be there. I well up on occasion but fight back the tears, my mind is elsewhere meaning I can't concentrate, I'm watching the clock for the time I can escape. I'm uncertain if and when it will get easier to be there, but for now I'm just trying to ride out the storm.
I was not ready by any means to return to my job. Without saying too much, I work in a department where I am faced with parents who could be described as "unappreciative" for what they have and have to hear some, quite frankly, awful things with regards to children. Not at all what I want to hear at the best of times, let alone after my recent difficult loss. But due to financial reasons, I had no option other than to return.
I was extremely nervous and anxious and spoke to my manager about my concerns. She has been a huge help and offered support. I knew the 20 minute bus journey to my workplace would be sorrowful, how many hours had I spent on that bus looking at cute baby outfits on my phone and planning the nursery whilst commuting? Sitting at the same desk where I'd spent time discussing my plans for the future with my friends and displayed my scan pictures with pride. Seeing colleagues who were currently pregnant, tummies ever swelling and leaving one by one for maternity leave.
It was agreed that I could do a phased return....3 hours per day for the first week, 4 the next and so on. Standing at the bus stop I felt so heavy. As I predicted, I sat and let a few tears flow as I travelled. The last time I'd done this journey I had a 20 week bump and was excited about my imminent scan. Walking into the office I was not sure what to expect. Would everyone make a fuss? A few hellos and friendly smiles, a couple of welcome backs and I was settled into my new desk (we'd agreed it may help for a change of view in the office...) and logged into my computer. It felt strange, as though nothing had ever happened.
I coped remarkably well for the first 2 hours until I saw one of my pregnant colleagues. I was caught of guard and instinctively asked how she was doing (pregnancy wise) although she didn't delve into great detail, there was no mistaking the rounded belly. She left and I broke. Of course I wish her well, we spent many a conversation previously about how our pregnancies were progressing, comparing bumps and discussing when we would be leaving (which would have been around the same time in December) but seeing how well she was doing and looking down to my almost flat stomach now my heart stung. Why me? It is so incredibly difficult seeing pregnant ladies and I don't want them to think they are upsetting me, it's not their fault, but right now I can't bear it. I left early.
I'm into my second week back now, at the moment it still doesn't quite feel like I should be there. I well up on occasion but fight back the tears, my mind is elsewhere meaning I can't concentrate, I'm watching the clock for the time I can escape. I'm uncertain if and when it will get easier to be there, but for now I'm just trying to ride out the storm.
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
The first memorial service
Wednesday 6th November 2013
This day we were invited to a memorial service held annually by our funeral directors, for families to come together in honour of their loved ones who have passed.
I decided to go on my own, although I asked my dear husband and mam if they would like to attend, I knew that this was something I wanted to do alone. It would be a big step for me, but I wanted this time alone to reflect.
Arriving at the beautiful church I was greeted by K.R, the kind man who arranged Harry's funeral, with a big hug and smile. He asked how I was doing....a question I can now only answer with "I'm ok"....he knew I was not. I was ushered to a seat near the front of the church, as I walked in I could feel the tears creeping up, that familiar sensation shaking through my whole body where my arms start to tingle and I don't feel a part of my own body anymore. I sat down and tried to fight the tears back, I didn't want to upset others around me.
The service began with a welcome from the reverend and a request to stand for the first hymn. "Make me a channel of your peace". As I've explained previously, I am not particularly religious, but I did attend church with my mam as a child and this song reminds me so much of being a young girl and standing with my mother, attempting to sing lyrics I didn't quite know or understand. At that moment I could no longer hold back the tears, I sobbed quietly.
Words of sympathy, love and hope were spoken by another gent. His closing line... "As John Lennon said, All You Need Is Love" a phrase from one of my favourite songs that was also played at our wedding. I actually have an ornamental block with this phrase written on at home. I held on to my locket with Harry's photo in and suddenly knew he was here with me. I can't explain it....I often get these moments, a rush of love and comfort. I embraced this moment.
The service continued, a young girl sang "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele, a priest offered his condolences and a reading from the bible. The reading of the names....There was such a long list, it was so sad to hear of all these people who had passed, people who were loved and missed terribly, I could see members of the congregation crying for their personal losses. We were, row by row, asked to approach the front to light a candle in memory of our loved ones, as I approached I could see K.R. lighting the tealights silently. I walked towards him and he smiled, "this is a special candle just for Harry". It makes me so proud that Harry touched so many lives.
Returning to my seat, I waited in anticipation for Harry's name to be announced...."Baby Harry James Brittan". There were 3 other angel babies remembered.....I wish I had known who the mother's were in the crowd of people, I just wanted to hug them and tell them I felt there pain, I know what you are going through, you are not alone.
Following this, a group of young children from a local school gathered to sing for us. I couldn't help but smile as there innocent voices filled the church, I thought this part would upset me deeply, seeing what could have been for Harry but it was so humbling to watch as they smiled nervously, all the while singing their little hearts out. They sang three songs in total, but one really rang true for me. A song I've never heard of before, but later informed it is actually a song from The Muppets sang by Kermit the Frog! The lyrics filled me with hope...."Someday you'll find it, the rainbow connection". Harry is telling me not to give up hope, we will go on to have our rainbow baby and he will give us his blessing. The song still rings around my head....
Closing the service, we had a moment of reflection and the owners of P.J.F spoke lovely words to help us through our grief. We slowly began to leave the church....I saw K.R as I left and we hugged again, he wished me all the best for our future and hoped to hear from us with happier news in the near future.
As I left I felt a wave of relief. I was proud of myself for holding it together, I was happy I had honoured my baby by being there.
This day we were invited to a memorial service held annually by our funeral directors, for families to come together in honour of their loved ones who have passed.
I decided to go on my own, although I asked my dear husband and mam if they would like to attend, I knew that this was something I wanted to do alone. It would be a big step for me, but I wanted this time alone to reflect.
Arriving at the beautiful church I was greeted by K.R, the kind man who arranged Harry's funeral, with a big hug and smile. He asked how I was doing....a question I can now only answer with "I'm ok"....he knew I was not. I was ushered to a seat near the front of the church, as I walked in I could feel the tears creeping up, that familiar sensation shaking through my whole body where my arms start to tingle and I don't feel a part of my own body anymore. I sat down and tried to fight the tears back, I didn't want to upset others around me.
The service began with a welcome from the reverend and a request to stand for the first hymn. "Make me a channel of your peace". As I've explained previously, I am not particularly religious, but I did attend church with my mam as a child and this song reminds me so much of being a young girl and standing with my mother, attempting to sing lyrics I didn't quite know or understand. At that moment I could no longer hold back the tears, I sobbed quietly.
Words of sympathy, love and hope were spoken by another gent. His closing line... "As John Lennon said, All You Need Is Love" a phrase from one of my favourite songs that was also played at our wedding. I actually have an ornamental block with this phrase written on at home. I held on to my locket with Harry's photo in and suddenly knew he was here with me. I can't explain it....I often get these moments, a rush of love and comfort. I embraced this moment.
The service continued, a young girl sang "Make You Feel My Love" by Adele, a priest offered his condolences and a reading from the bible. The reading of the names....There was such a long list, it was so sad to hear of all these people who had passed, people who were loved and missed terribly, I could see members of the congregation crying for their personal losses. We were, row by row, asked to approach the front to light a candle in memory of our loved ones, as I approached I could see K.R. lighting the tealights silently. I walked towards him and he smiled, "this is a special candle just for Harry". It makes me so proud that Harry touched so many lives.
Returning to my seat, I waited in anticipation for Harry's name to be announced...."Baby Harry James Brittan". There were 3 other angel babies remembered.....I wish I had known who the mother's were in the crowd of people, I just wanted to hug them and tell them I felt there pain, I know what you are going through, you are not alone.
Following this, a group of young children from a local school gathered to sing for us. I couldn't help but smile as there innocent voices filled the church, I thought this part would upset me deeply, seeing what could have been for Harry but it was so humbling to watch as they smiled nervously, all the while singing their little hearts out. They sang three songs in total, but one really rang true for me. A song I've never heard of before, but later informed it is actually a song from The Muppets sang by Kermit the Frog! The lyrics filled me with hope...."Someday you'll find it, the rainbow connection". Harry is telling me not to give up hope, we will go on to have our rainbow baby and he will give us his blessing. The song still rings around my head....
Closing the service, we had a moment of reflection and the owners of P.J.F spoke lovely words to help us through our grief. We slowly began to leave the church....I saw K.R as I left and we hugged again, he wished me all the best for our future and hoped to hear from us with happier news in the near future.
As I left I felt a wave of relief. I was proud of myself for holding it together, I was happy I had honoured my baby by being there.
A sign from Harry....?
Following the funeral and the wedding, as you can imagine we were well and truly drained. It seemed logical to go away for a few days to rest and recuperate and get our heads around what had happened and where we go from here. I had a huge issue with "what now?" The wedding was over and now I should be looking forward to Christmas and New Year, preparing the nursery and the arrival of our first baby on February 6th. I even asked my husband "what do we have to look forward to now?" to which he replied "our future" which I knew was right, but the overbearing feeling of emptiness was slowly engulfing me. I would find myself often stroking my tummy before realising that is in fact what it was now, empty. I'd forget when people offered me a glass of wine that I actually was alright to drink this now, although this in it's own self was a struggle as I felt so guilty, I shouldn't be drinking this, I should still be pregnant. In a fleeting moment when my hubby would ask me to do something where many times before I'd used the excuse to my advantage "I can't, I'm pregnant" I'd almost say those words, before sadly realising this was no longer the case.
I didn't know where I wanted to be. On one hand I wanted to be at home, this is my safe place, on the other hand I wanted to run away. We searched the internet for last minute get away's but there was no where I felt like going, in the travel agents we sat with the kind young girl looking at different locations and different hotels. What did we want out of this holiday? For my husband...sun, beer, a change of location. For me....an escape. After a while of looking, I settled for a hotel in Palma Nova, Majorca, more so because I couldn't be bothered to look anymore. It was away, far enough to get away from everything but still close enough to home so if I was struggling there would be a flight back. We packed our bags and less than 48 hours later were on our way. I struggled again with guilt that we were leaving our little boy behind, his ashes had been presented to us the day prior so, along with his memory box, he went to stay at nana's house....I couldn't bare the thought of leaving him home alone. I also kept thinking "will Harry think we're just forgetting about him? How am I meant to relax or have enjoyment (if any...) from this holiday. He'll think we've forgotten about him"
Arriving at the hotel, the sun was shining, we quickly got changed and headed for the pool to relax. Within 5 minutes the hubby had struck up a conversation with a couple on the next table who as it turned out had arrived the day prior. We got chatting and, on spotting my husbands tattoo tribute to our son the gent announced his name was also Harry James! I was in disbelief.....of all the places we could have chosen to go on holiday, of all the people we could have spoken to we spoke to this man and wife. Some will say this is a great coincidence, but I am a great believer in signs and signals from loved ones who have passed on. I'll admit, my eyes welled up a little when his dear wife showed us a copy of his passport.....Harry James; born 29th May (or 29/05) and our son's DOB... 25th September; or 25/09. I instantly knew this was a sign from our baby boy letting us know that it was ok for us to be here and that he was there with us, to relax now.
We spent the remainder of the holiday spending time with this lovely couple and finding out more about them, more similarities came to light. We shared stories, including all about our journey through pregnancy and delivering Harry, and made happy memories from a holiday I thought I wouldn't be able to find any enjoyment out of. For this I am so grateful to them. Thank you B & H, I think without your company I may have struggled being away from home at such a difficult time, your kind words and humour helped immensely.
Returning home a week later was bittersweet, I was happy to be home...happy to bring Harry home to be in his final resting place with his mam and dad but so incredibly sad and bewildered that things would start to return to "normal" soon, what would I do now? No more organising for weddings, funeral past, holiday over. No due date to look forward to.
I didn't know where I wanted to be. On one hand I wanted to be at home, this is my safe place, on the other hand I wanted to run away. We searched the internet for last minute get away's but there was no where I felt like going, in the travel agents we sat with the kind young girl looking at different locations and different hotels. What did we want out of this holiday? For my husband...sun, beer, a change of location. For me....an escape. After a while of looking, I settled for a hotel in Palma Nova, Majorca, more so because I couldn't be bothered to look anymore. It was away, far enough to get away from everything but still close enough to home so if I was struggling there would be a flight back. We packed our bags and less than 48 hours later were on our way. I struggled again with guilt that we were leaving our little boy behind, his ashes had been presented to us the day prior so, along with his memory box, he went to stay at nana's house....I couldn't bare the thought of leaving him home alone. I also kept thinking "will Harry think we're just forgetting about him? How am I meant to relax or have enjoyment (if any...) from this holiday. He'll think we've forgotten about him"
Arriving at the hotel, the sun was shining, we quickly got changed and headed for the pool to relax. Within 5 minutes the hubby had struck up a conversation with a couple on the next table who as it turned out had arrived the day prior. We got chatting and, on spotting my husbands tattoo tribute to our son the gent announced his name was also Harry James! I was in disbelief.....of all the places we could have chosen to go on holiday, of all the people we could have spoken to we spoke to this man and wife. Some will say this is a great coincidence, but I am a great believer in signs and signals from loved ones who have passed on. I'll admit, my eyes welled up a little when his dear wife showed us a copy of his passport.....Harry James; born 29th May (or 29/05) and our son's DOB... 25th September; or 25/09. I instantly knew this was a sign from our baby boy letting us know that it was ok for us to be here and that he was there with us, to relax now.
We spent the remainder of the holiday spending time with this lovely couple and finding out more about them, more similarities came to light. We shared stories, including all about our journey through pregnancy and delivering Harry, and made happy memories from a holiday I thought I wouldn't be able to find any enjoyment out of. For this I am so grateful to them. Thank you B & H, I think without your company I may have struggled being away from home at such a difficult time, your kind words and humour helped immensely.
Returning home a week later was bittersweet, I was happy to be home...happy to bring Harry home to be in his final resting place with his mam and dad but so incredibly sad and bewildered that things would start to return to "normal" soon, what would I do now? No more organising for weddings, funeral past, holiday over. No due date to look forward to.
Thursday, 7 November 2013
Some Thank You's.....
It's at this stage I would like to say some thank you's to the people we have shared our extremely difficult journey with. I won't use names as I know some will be uncomfortable with this, if your initials aren't shown you should know who you are......
To the Sonographers and staff at the Ante Natal Clinic at S.T. Hospital, we thank you for being gentle with us but honest and open also. We realise this is part of your job, a difficult part of your job, but you looked after us well.
To H.T. We can not thank you enough for being so kind at our initial diagnosis, extending your service to bring us our much needed scan pictures, supporting me when I had to start the process with "that" tablet, visiting me when I was in delivery even though we didn't actually get the opportunity to see you, we knew you had come and for attending our little boys funeral. You exceeded your role and are a wonderful midwife and person.
To A.H, S.M. and the staff at the Foetal Medicine Department at RVI Hospital, we thank you for your honesty in diagnosing Harry and the care you showed us and our son throughout. Our journey with you has not yet ended and we have no doubts in our minds that you will continue to support us through the next step and will be with us every step of the way when we have our rainbow baby on board.
To E.H and the midwives on the Delivery Suite at S.T. Hospital, thank you for the care you gave me and the kindness you showed my family. The day I delivered Harry would have been so much more traumatic if it wasn't for your help and guidance. Thank you for taking care of our baby and showing him the respect he deserved. You really are fantastic at your jobs and we hope to see you all in the not too distant future with happier news.
To K.R and the wonderful people at P.J.F. What can I say? Thank you all for easing the process of organising a wonderful day to honour our angel. Thank you for the care you showed him and for taking such good care of him. Thank you for everything. K.R, we can never show you how grateful we are to you, not only in the organising process and the funeral day, but the compassion you showed me at the memorial service also. You really are a special man.
To K.T. Your words of comfort and the compassion you showed towards us and Harry is so much appreciated. Thank you for being strong in leading the ceremony, we know you found it a bit more difficult than you normally would. We wouldn't have wanted anybody other to speak on our behalf about Harry.
To my very good friends and bridesmaids. My rocks. You know how much I always appreciate you, you're always by my side through good times and bad. I want you to know I am always here for you too. I love you all. Thank you.
To my parents, step parents, in laws. Harry's grandparents. We will move through this together, side by side. We will lean on each other in tough times and celebrate together in happier times. Harry is with you all and I know you will carry him in your hearts and minds. We will keep him alive through talking and remembering him. We love you.
To our families. Brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Thank you for being behind us not only through this sad time, but for our wedding and throughout our lives. Let this bring us all even closer together. Love to you all now and always.
To all the ladies from TFMR on Babycentre. Together we travel through this sadness knowing nobody truly understands exactly what we have been through. You ladies are so strong, even when we think life is crumbling around us. Big hugs.
To S.G and A.G. Even though I've never met you girls in person, your messages through facebook have helped me. S.G. I wish you all the best wishes and health in the world with your ever-growing bump and little man. A.G....We will get there sweetie, I have high hopes for both our futures and expect rainbow babies in the future.
And finally, to our friends, colleagues, associates, friends of friends. To the strangers who we've encountered. To the people we see almost daily yet barely know. Readers. We thank you for your words of sympathy, kind words of hope and the compassion you have shown towards us and our special angel baby, Harry James. You've shown me that we do actually live in a world where we can offer love and support to not only the people around us, but to people we have not met. As John Lennon said...."All you need is love".
Thank you all and much love to you xxxx
To the Sonographers and staff at the Ante Natal Clinic at S.T. Hospital, we thank you for being gentle with us but honest and open also. We realise this is part of your job, a difficult part of your job, but you looked after us well.
To H.T. We can not thank you enough for being so kind at our initial diagnosis, extending your service to bring us our much needed scan pictures, supporting me when I had to start the process with "that" tablet, visiting me when I was in delivery even though we didn't actually get the opportunity to see you, we knew you had come and for attending our little boys funeral. You exceeded your role and are a wonderful midwife and person.
To A.H, S.M. and the staff at the Foetal Medicine Department at RVI Hospital, we thank you for your honesty in diagnosing Harry and the care you showed us and our son throughout. Our journey with you has not yet ended and we have no doubts in our minds that you will continue to support us through the next step and will be with us every step of the way when we have our rainbow baby on board.
To E.H and the midwives on the Delivery Suite at S.T. Hospital, thank you for the care you gave me and the kindness you showed my family. The day I delivered Harry would have been so much more traumatic if it wasn't for your help and guidance. Thank you for taking care of our baby and showing him the respect he deserved. You really are fantastic at your jobs and we hope to see you all in the not too distant future with happier news.
To K.R and the wonderful people at P.J.F. What can I say? Thank you all for easing the process of organising a wonderful day to honour our angel. Thank you for the care you showed him and for taking such good care of him. Thank you for everything. K.R, we can never show you how grateful we are to you, not only in the organising process and the funeral day, but the compassion you showed me at the memorial service also. You really are a special man.
To K.T. Your words of comfort and the compassion you showed towards us and Harry is so much appreciated. Thank you for being strong in leading the ceremony, we know you found it a bit more difficult than you normally would. We wouldn't have wanted anybody other to speak on our behalf about Harry.
To my very good friends and bridesmaids. My rocks. You know how much I always appreciate you, you're always by my side through good times and bad. I want you to know I am always here for you too. I love you all. Thank you.
To my parents, step parents, in laws. Harry's grandparents. We will move through this together, side by side. We will lean on each other in tough times and celebrate together in happier times. Harry is with you all and I know you will carry him in your hearts and minds. We will keep him alive through talking and remembering him. We love you.
To our families. Brothers, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Thank you for being behind us not only through this sad time, but for our wedding and throughout our lives. Let this bring us all even closer together. Love to you all now and always.
To all the ladies from TFMR on Babycentre. Together we travel through this sadness knowing nobody truly understands exactly what we have been through. You ladies are so strong, even when we think life is crumbling around us. Big hugs.
To S.G and A.G. Even though I've never met you girls in person, your messages through facebook have helped me. S.G. I wish you all the best wishes and health in the world with your ever-growing bump and little man. A.G....We will get there sweetie, I have high hopes for both our futures and expect rainbow babies in the future.
And finally, to our friends, colleagues, associates, friends of friends. To the strangers who we've encountered. To the people we see almost daily yet barely know. Readers. We thank you for your words of sympathy, kind words of hope and the compassion you have shown towards us and our special angel baby, Harry James. You've shown me that we do actually live in a world where we can offer love and support to not only the people around us, but to people we have not met. As John Lennon said...."All you need is love".
Thank you all and much love to you xxxx
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)