Our wedding

Saturday 12th October 2013

The start of our next chapter.


Let me quickly explain. Me and my then fiancée had gotten engaged in June this year. I had only just found out I was pregnant with Harry 2 weeks prior and this was one of the happiest times of my life.

 

 

 



We had planned to get married in 2014/2015, money dependant (obviously we were expecting our new arrival in the new year too!) and we planned an engagement party for October.

 

In August we sadly found out my dad was more poorly than we had anticipated and quickly made the decision to bring the wedding date forward so he would be well enough to give me away. We had a venue booked already for the 12th of October for our engagement party so decided to go ahead with this date as we knew it suited everyone with it being relatively short notice.

 

8 weeks to plan a wedding! A wedding where I would be almost 24 weeks pregnant! I already had a wedding dress which I thought my ever swelling tummy would never fit in to and started looking at maternity wedding gowns. All of which made me look and feel frumpy. After some gentle persuasion, one of my bridesmaids managed to squeeze me in to my already picked dress and we settled that it would be fine. In hindsight a good thing as at this time I was unaware the events that would unfold over the following weeks.

 

When we found there was a problem with Harry my initial instinct was to cancel everything, there was no way I could continue planning my wedding day so close to losing my child let alone go through with it. But after some discussion we realised that firstly we had brought our wedding forward for a reason, secondly Harry would not have wanted us to cancel the day that we had planned to bring all three of us together as a family, we knew we would have his blessing and thirdly we felt we would need this day as a step into our future with Harry in our hearts and constant thoughts.

 

We knew the day would be hugely emotional and obviously didn't anticipate it being the day after our boys funeral, but here it was. Our wedding day.

 

It was a flurry of decorating, hairdressers, make up, organising people and making it to the town hall on time, I barely had time to think about the events of the day before. My almost hubby had bought me a beautiful locket, a tiny picture of Harry inside which I had with me all day. Harry was there. I just knew it.

 

The ceremony was lovely with all our friends and family right there with us. The reception was relaxed and fun, everyone had a fantastic day and night.

 

I was composed all day, no tears until it came to the time I had say our thank you's (the husband not having the stage presence I had in me) I tried my hardest to express how grateful we both were, knowing all these people who showed us such support and love through all of this. I tried to say how thankful Harry would be that his mammy and daddy had so many people in their lives to look after them when they needed it most and that he would be sending each and everyone of them blessings. I tried, but I couldn't. The words wouldn't come and the tears were brimming. I garbled something to the above, but know the words were mixed up, but hoped that everyone knew what I was trying to express.

 

Our first dance was emotional for me too. We spoke quietly about our baby and I let a few tears fall. Drops of Jupiter played out, a song I love from my favourite band, that I had chosen long before we were even aware when our wedding would be, unbeknown to me that the words would ring so much truer than we could ever imagine. The song was written in a time of healing after the lead artist, Pat Monahan, lost his mother. Commenting on the song he writes:

 

"Loss of the most important person in my life was heavy on my mind, and the thought of 'what if no one ever really leaves? What if she's here but different. The idea was, she's back here in the atmosphere."

The lyrics once again hit home for me. Strange how things turn out, it's almost like my mind had saw into the future and unwittingly chosen a song that would be truer than we would ever wish it to be.....

So that was our wedding day. I'll leave this post with one image from our day that expresses so much for me. Its of our first dance. It's of us supporting each other through our grief. It's us starting our married life together. Our next chapter was beginning with our angel by our side.